In the previous posts, I have established that we all grow up with barriers to love that can be removed when we tackle our negative beliefs. In this week’s post, I’ll explain give some strategies for helping your children to own their Inherent Worth so that they can receive the love that you offer.
A child who has a strong belief that he is not good enough, bad, unworthy or any other belief, will find it impossible to let love in. That child will think, consciously or unconsciously “If only you knew how bad, unworthy, unlovable (fill in the blanks) I am, you would not choose to love me. You have to say you love me because you are my parent, but I can’t believe it.” This is the subconscious thinking of any child who has a strong negative belief about themselves. We may not be able to tell what that belief is, so the antidote to all negative beliefs is to own our Inherent Worth. We cannot be Inherently Worthy and unlovable or worthless at the same time. Therefore, it is imperative that parents spend some time helping their children to tune into their Inherent Worth.
Is Inherent Worth the same as self-esteem?
Inherent Worth is absolute, maximal, and unchanging, whereas self-esteem is highly variable and can easily be lost. Self-esteem is generally boosted by achievements and mastery of skills, and lost when difficulties arise or expectations are not met. Inherent Worth never varies. It is this concept of having value no matter what, that has been shown to promote mental wellness wherever it is taught and forms the foundational premise at the Choose Again healing center in Costa Rica where success rates with people with depression, anger issues, relationship issues and a host of other mental health problems is very high. It must therefore be an important factor in preventing the onset of these problems in children.
How can parents help?
Ultimately, it will be the child’s job to own his or her Inherent Worth – this is not something we can do for them. The best help that a parent can give, is to model their own commitment to their Inherent Worth. There are, however, numerous ways of helping a child to discover and feel his or her Inherent Worth indirectly. Here are five suggestions:
When our children have a sense of their Inherent Worth, they will be resilient and able to receive love because their barriers to it will be reduced. There’s a list of ten ways to help children realize their Inherent Worth that you can download on my website www.anneandrew.com.
Our children grow up as depleted versions of themselves. We ALL do. We attempt to establish our worth externally instead of knowing that our True worth is inherent. The result for far too many is addiction, bullying, depression, or eating disorders. There have been too many needless suicides, too many trapped in addictions or dealing with mental health disorders. That is why I encourage parents to recognize and own their Inherent Worth, so that they can love their children unconditionally and thereby help them to grow up mentally-healthy, owning their Inherent Worth - free to give and most importantly, to receive love.
Did this blog series give you any insights into your family dynamics? Did you find it helpful?
Please let me know by leaving a message for me in the comment space below. Thank you!
I know firsthand the emotional and financial costs of having a troubled teenager and I don’t want that to happen to you. That's why I wrote my book What They Don't Teach in Prenatal Class: The Key to Raising Trouble-Free Kids and Teens (available on Amazon).