In last week’s blog, I suggested that you take a quick quiz to determine where you are on the loving / fearful parenting spectrum. You may have been surprised to learn that fear plays a role in your parenting style. This week’s blog will explore the importance of learning to love unconditionally. I was able to learn so you can too!
In his book “Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness” Edward Hallowell states that “The unconditional love of one adult in a child’s life is the best inoculation against emotional distress There are, therefore, some important things at stake if we can learn to love unconditionally:
What is Unconditional Love?
A good definition would be:
Is it Love or Bargaining?
What passes for love in many families is really bargaining. If you do this I’ll do that. “I’ll feed you and drive you to school if you clean your room, give me a hug at night and tell me you love me and don’t bring home any D’s”. Of course, it is ridiculous to think that this kind of bargain is arranged, agreed upon or spoken in any way, but many of our relationships rest on hidden agendas or subconscious agreements – bargains that we may not even be aware of. Any bargain places conditions on love.
Here are some typical ones:
In Part Three of this series I will explain how the barriers to love, that we all have, get started, and how they act as blocks to love.
I know firsthand the emotional and financial costs of having a troubled teenager and I don’t want that to happen to you. That's why I wrote my book What They Don't Teach in Prenatal Class: The Key to Raising Trouble-Free Kids and Teens (available on Amazon).